All of a sudden, I sort of understand –
I’m not a fundamentally different person,
I’m not less anxious,
I’m not “not me”,
but I understand what it means to let go
to submit to the flow of time
to enjoy the ebbs and flows of that which we cannot control,
to savor what’s contrary to what I think I want.
I’m more aware than ever,
I’m not the person moving the pieces,
but I’m also not just a pawn
that is moved around
at the whims of some grand design.
I’m not sure I’m even a piece on the board,
perhaps who I am and whatever is moving the pieces are united in intention,
and in a sense I don’t quite understand,
I’m both mover and pawn,
both the intention and the action,
both the divine and the human,
both the universe and a single atom,
as are you, and her, and him,
the transcendental unity of being,
such a wonderful state.
So I’m not any less anxious,
but at the same time,
I’m the most patient being in all of existence,
I push for that which I desire,
but I also let myself be pulled back by the gravity of the intention.
I can get used to this.
