Sudden passion,
because of you, I find myself doubting my sanity,
I convince myself to take everything calmly,
for after all these years,
it is the only thing that I know works,
with absolute certainty,
without any doubt,
yet your passion overwhelms me,
and I find no escape
but to surrender to the notes
I thought were lost,
to these notes that have never sweetened
my ears,
but I am filled with fear,
a fear I haven’t felt in many lives
– and it is supposed that the worst that can happen to you
is that what was never yours
leaves your path –
but it scares me,
for what will I do with my life
if it disappears as quickly as it came?
Surely I’ll survive,
I always do,
because even though heartaches taste of death,
they never kill.
Surely I’ll survive,
but I feel it would be
like how veterans survive,
forever incomplete,
stunned by what happened to them,
even if it was unavoidable,
marked forever,
but this fear,
I overpower it,
as your passion does with my sanity,
when that fear shows its head,
I tell myself:
live the moment,
give yourself in to life,
without reservations,
for here there is something worthy of being lived,
here there is a story for the grandchildren,
whether they are ours or each of ours separately,
and even though I asked Saint Judas of Thaddeus
– on a visit to a church of his
that appeared on my path –
for this story
to have the outcome I desire,
I still tell this fear
that we must live this story
until its pages run out.